I decided to post first a review for a movie called Hard Candy. I feel that my amateuristic writing would be best fit for a film that fills me and my brother with SO MUCH RAGE IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. It stars Patrick Wilson as Jeff, photographer and suspected pedophile by our other character, Hailey, played by that girl who played Juno (she's 21 by the way). Juno's (because I can't be bothered to search up her real name) character is INSANE, in every sense of the word. She entraps Jeff, who's completely innocent of all accusations despite her saying, and through the course of the movie tortures him physically and psychologically, as well as tests my brother's and my patience. The climax of the movie is when SHE CUTS OFF HIS BALLS.
She CUTS OFF HIS BALLS.
ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I'm angry enough that she's to dense to realize that the more someone begs, pleads, and cries about their innocence, they're probably innocent. And he couldn't outsmart or overpower a 14 YEAR OLD GIRL. For god's sake man! Anyway, she grinds his freshly cut off balls in the garbage disposal. He frees himself from the table he was tied to (forgot to mention that) and proceeds to try to sneak up on her when she tazes him. Another example of how I DON'T LIKE THIS MOVIE. I've been using caps too much. After some more shit goes down she blackmails him into hanging himself.
…
He's a dipshit to say the least.
Plot: Well constructed for a suspense film, but I hat e the outcome. I just wish he had the nuts to kill her. Wait…
Characters: Acting was great and realistic on both parts. And the characters were well constructed.
How would you feel: If you were castrated by an amateur?
Rating: Despite my praises, I did not like the outcome or the fact that he apparently wasn't strong enough to kill a noodle. 4/10
-Connor "Mr. Fantastiwhirl" Favero
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
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